When you dont't know what to say...

Since Mariana's death many friends have asked us: "What can I do for you?"; "I really don't know what to say". I'm writing these thoughts, hoping that it helps you understand our grief.

Mariana's death shattered our lives. The agonizing pain we feel, will be with us every single day of our lives. If we cry when you ask us "How do you feel?", please don't take it as if you were hurting us by asking. Mariana's death is the cause of our tears. We want you to talk about Mariana. We need to hear her name and that she was important to you too. Please don't remove pictures or any remembrances from your home.

We are doing every thing we possibly can to recover, but I wish you could understand that we will never be fully recovered. We will always miss Mariana, and will always grieve that she's dead. Don't expect our grief to be over in one year. We will never be "former" bereaved parents.

If sometimes we are aggressive, withdrawn or irritable it's because there is a deep sadness that overwhelms us. Sometimes we can't make contact with you. Imagine how it would feel loosing your skin!. Even the softer touch on your bare flesh would hurt so much!. We need to heal, to grow new skin again. Sometimes we withdraw from family and friends to protect us from situations that are too painful. The world seems to spin too fast for us now. We need time to pace back with it.

We wish you understood that pain changes people. It has changed us. We will never be the same. When mariana died a big part of us died with her too. We wish you could understand the intensity of our pain, our grief, our silence and our tears. On the other hand, ...we wish you will never understand....

To all of our friends and family who read this page, we want to thank the love and constant support you have given us. It has helped us go through our grief.

We have found "The Compassionate Friends" to be a great support for us. We have communicated with other parents who have also lost a child. In the "Webhealing" page, we have found a space to post and respond to messages posted by other bereaved parents.



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